Trump Flees To Switzerland While His Impeachment Trial Kicks Off In The Senate

Trump Flees To Switzerland While His Impeachment Trial Kicks Off In The Senate


WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, TO
“THE LATE SHOW.” I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. TODAY IS JUST DAY ONE OF THE
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF DONALD JOHN TRUMP. IT’S HISTORIC. IT’S A PIVOTAL DAY IN THE
HISTORY OF THE REPUBLIC: SOON, WE WILL FIND OUT IF BREAKING THE
LAW IS ILLEGAL.( LAUGHTER ).>>Jon: WE WILL FIND OUT.>>Stephen: GOTTA SAY, GOTTA
SAY, SO FAR, I DON’T LIKE THE ODDS.( LAUGHTER )
AND I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT’S “DON AND THE GIANT
IMPEACH.”( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>WHOA! WHOA! NO! NO! NO! NO! I’M SOAKING WET.( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: TECHNICALLY, THE TRIAL BEGINS TOMORROW. TODAY WAS DEBATE ABOUT THE RULES
PROPOSED BY SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND SCROTUM OF THE OPERA,
MITCH McCONNELL.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
HIS– HIS RULES SAY–
McCONNELL’S RULES SAY THAT THE THEY WANT TO CONSIDER NEW
EVIDENCE AT ALL. AND McCONNELL DOES NOT GUARANTEE
THE TRIAL WILL INCLUDE WITNESSES. SO, NO EVIDENCE, NO WITNESSES… JUST 100 OLD PEOPLE STUCK IN A
ROOM TOGETHER. THIS ISN’T A TRIAL. IT’S THE 4:00 DINNER RUSH AT
DENNY’S, OR A MATINEE IN BRANSON, MISSOURI. IF, BY SOME WILD CHANCE, THERE
WHERE MONKEYS EAT MEAT, IT TURNS OUT THERE ARE WITNESSES. McCONNELL HAS BUILT IN A
FAIL-SAFE, BECAUSE IF THE MAJORITY DECIDE TO CALL
WITNESSES, THAT WITNESS WOULD FIRST BE INTERVIEWED BEHIND
CLOSED DOORS, MEANING THEY MIGHT NEVER TESTIFY IN PUBLIC.( AS MCCONNELL )
“THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE A “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE A
FAIR AND TRANSPARENT PROCESS. NOW PLACE THE TESTIMONY HOOD
OVER THE WITNESS’S HEAD, DRAG HIM INTO THE FACT DUNGEON, AND
BEAT HIM WITH THE TRUTH HOSE.”( LAUGHTER )
BUT HERE’S THE THING: ACCORDING TO A NEW CNN POLL, 69% SAY THAT
THE UPCOMING TRIAL SHOULD FEATURE TESTIMONY FROM NEW
WITNESSES. THAT’S A TWO-THIRDS MAJORITY. BUT THEN AGAIN, IF WE DID WHAT
THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS WANT, HILLARY WOULD BE
PRESIDENT, AND WE’D HAVE MALLOMARS ALL YEAR ROUND
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
REFRIGERATE THE TRUCKS! WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! IF WE CAN HAVE MOON PIES, WE CAN
HAVE MALLOMARS. NOW, THE SAME POLL FOUND THAT
51% OF AMERICANS SAY THE SENATE SHOULD REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE.( AS TRUMP )
“OH, NO, MY OLD NEMESIS, MAJORITIES! EVEN WORSE THAN MY OTHER
NEMESIS: MINORITIES.”( LAUGHTER )
NOW, ONCE ARGUMENTS GOT UNDERWAY, HOUSE IMPEACHMENT
MANAGER ADAM SCHIFF LAID OUT EXACTLY WHY MCCONNELL’S RULES
FOR THE TRIAL ARE NOTHING LIKE THE CLINTON IMPEACHMENT.>>ALL OF THE DOCUMENTS IN THE
CLINTON TRIAL WERE TURNED OVER PRIOR TO THE TRIAL, ALL 90,000
PAGES OF THEM, SO THEY COULD BE USED IN THE HOUSE’S CASE. NONE OF THE DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN
TURNED OVER BY THE PRESIDENT IN THIS CASE. AND UNDER LEADER McCONNELL’S
PROPOSAL, NONE MAY EVER BE. IF THE HOUSE CANNOT CALL
WITNESSES OR INTRODUCE DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE, IT IS NOT A
FAIR TRIAL. IT IS NOT REALLY A TRIAL AT ALL.>>Stephen: NOW, WHO KNOWS IF
HIS ARGUMENT IS GOING TO MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE IN THE LONG RUN,
BUT IT JUST FEELS GOOD FOR SOMEONE TO STAND UP AND NAME THE
LIE WE CAN ALL PLAINLY SEE. IT’S LIKE THE LITTLE BOY
YELLING, “THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES! OH, GOD “N” MAKE HIM PUT CLOTHES
BACK ON! MY EYES! WIPE AWAY MY EYES!”
NOW, SCHIFF POINTED OUT THAT, SETTING POLITICS ASIDE, WE ALL
KNOW WHAT REAL JUSTICE LOOKS LIKE.>>ASK YOURSELVES HOW WOULD YOU
STRUCTURE THE TRIAL IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT YOUR PARTY WAS
AND YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE PARTY OF THE PRESIDENT WAS?>>Stephen: AND WHILE WE’RE ON
HYPOTHETICALS, ASK YOURSELF IF YOU’D RATHER SEE TRUMP DRAGGED
OUT OF OFFICE BY ONE HORSE-SIZED DUCK OR 100 DUCK-SIZED HORSES.( LAUGHTER )
SCHIFF DISPUTED THE REPUBLICAN LINE THAT THEY’RE JUST FOLLOWING
THE PROCESS LAID OUT DURING THE CLINTON IMPEACHMENT AND
REMINDED THE SENATE WHY THEY HAD TO BE SO CAREFUL ABOUT TALKING
ABOUT THAT CASE.>>THE TESTIMONY IN THE CLINTON
TRIAL INVOLVED DECORUM ISSUES THAT ARE NOT PRESENT HERE. YOU MAY REST ASSURED, WHATEVER
ELSE THE CASE MAY BE, SUCH ISSUES WILL NOT BE PRESENT HERE.>>Stephen: YES, THERE WERE A
LOT OF ISSUES IN THE CLINTON TRIAL WITH DECORUM. BILL CLINTON COULD NOT KEEP
STICKING HIS DECORUM WHERE IT DIDN’T BELONG. TOUGH WORD. GOT TO BE CAREFUL. IT’S HARD TO SAY. THAT WAS HARD TO SAY AND NOT GET
IT BLEEPED ON CBS.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
VERY DIFFICULT. THEN TV LAWYER JAY SEKULOW GOT
UP TO REBUT ON BEHALF OF THE PRESIDENT AND REALLY RAISED MORE
QUESTIONS THAN HE ANSWERED.>>WHAT ARE WE DEALING WITH
HERE? WHY ARE WE HERE?>>Stephen: (AS SEKULOW)
WHY ARE WE HERE. “WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING
TO? DO YOU LIKE THE THINGS THAT LIFE
IS SHOWING YOU? WHAT’S THE BUZZ? TELL ME WHAT’S A-HAPPENING? WHERE ARE THE CLOWNS? THERE OUGHT TO BE CLOWNS. IN SUMMATION:
WAR– HUNGH, GOOD, GOD, Y’ALL WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? THE DEFENSE RESTS.”( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. NOW, WHITE HOUSE ATTORNEY PAT
CIPOLLONE SEEMED TO THINK THAT COLLECTING EVIDENCE WAS, ITSELF,
SOMEHOW UNFAIR?>>IF I SHOWED UP IN ANY COURT
IN THIS COUNTRY, AND I SAID, “JUDGE, MY CASE IS OVERWHELMING,
BUT I’M NOT READY TO GO YET. I NEED MORE EVIDENCE BEFORE
I CAN MAKE MY CASE,” I WOULD GET THROWN OUT IN TWO SECONDS.>>Stephen: NO, YOU WOULDN’T! IT’S CALLED “DISCOVERY.” COURTS ALLOW IT ALL THE TIME! INSTEAD OF OPENING STATEMENTS
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK, SIP LOAN, INSTEAD OF
OPENING STATEMENTS, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SPENT YOUR HOUR
WATCHING “LAW & ORDER.” CIPPOLLONE COULDN’T JUSTIFY NO
EVIDENCE AND NO WITNESSES, SO HOW DID YOU MAKE A CASE WITH NO
ARGUMENT? VOLUME!>>WHEN YOU LOOK AT THESE
ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT, THEY ARE NOT ONLY RIDICULOUS. IT’S OUTRAGEOUS. IT’S RIDICULOUS. IT’S RIDICULOUS. IT’S RIDICULOUS. IT’S OUTRAGEOUS. IT’S OUTRAGEOUS. IT’S LONG PAST TIME THAT WE
START THIS SO WE CAN END THIS RIDICULOUS CHARADE.>>Stephen: YES, LET’S GET
STARTED AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, GET PAT CIPOLLONE A THESAURUS.( AS CIPPOLLONE )
“IT’S RIDICULOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! EGREGIOUS! INIQUITOUS! OOOH, OPPROBRIOUS! IT’S NUTRAGEOUS.”>>MR. CIPOLLO MADE THE
REPRESENTATION THAT REPUBLICANS WERE NOT EVEN ALLOWED AT
DEPOSITIONS CONDUCTED IN THE HOUSE. NOW, I’M NOT GOING TO SUGGEST TO
YOU THAT MR. CIPILLONE WOULD MAKE A FALSE SAIMENT. I WILL LEAVE IT TO MR. CIPILONNE
TO MAKE THOSE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST OTHERS. BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS, HE IS
MISTAKEN.>>I WON’T SAY HE WILL
DELIBERATELY TAKE A DUMP ON YOUR DESK AND BLAME IT ON A TALL DOG,
BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS– HIS BELT IS LOOKING MIGHTY LOOSE
OVER THERE. I DON’T KNOW. HE OWNS A GREAT DANE. SCHIFF MADE IT CLEAR WHY TRUMP’S
LAWYERS KEEP ARGUING ABOUT PROCESS.>>EVERY TIME YOU HEAR THEM
ATTACKING HOUSE MANAGERSIMENT YOU TO ASK YOURSELF, AWAY FROM
WHAT ISSUE ARE THEY TRYING TO DISTRACT ME? WHAT ISSUE CAME UP BEFORE THIS? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO DEFLECT
MY ATTENTION FROM? WHY DON’T THEY HAVE A BETTER
ARGUMENT TO MAKE ON THE MERITS?>>Stephen: TO WHICH JAY SEKULOW
REPLIED, “HEY, LOOK OVER HERE! SHINY, SHINY! PAY NO ATTENTION! THERE IT GOES! GET IT, BOY, GET IT!( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, APART FROM McCONNELL’S NUTRAGEOUS RULES, THERE’S THE
SENATE RULES, WHICH ARE PRETTY STRICT WHEN IT COMES TO HOW THE
SENATORS HAVE TO BEHAVE. FOR INSTANCE, THEY’LL BE FORCED
TO SURRENDER THEIR PHONES AND SIT IN THEIR CHAIRS SILENTLY FOR
THE DURATION. THEY ALSO WON’T EVEN BE ALLOWED
TO TALK AT LENGTH TO PEOPLE NEARBY OR WALK ON CERTAIN AREAS
OF THE SENATE FLOOR.( AS SERGEANT OF ARMS )
“HEAR YE, HEAR YE. BE IT KNOWN THE FOLLOWING
AREAS OF THE SENATE FLOOR AR( LAUGHTER )
LAVA.” “PARTS OF THE LOBBY ARE SNAKES.”( LAUGHTER )
NOW, THE RULES GET WEIRDER. ACCORDING TO FLORIDA SENATOR AND
LAST THING YOU SEE BEFORE THE CHLOROFORM KICKS IN, RICK SCOTT.( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: WHOA!>>Stephen: OOOH.>>Jon: SNAKES IN THE GRASS.>>Stephen: YOUR SKULL WILL
MAKE QUITE A TROPHY FOR FATHER.( LAUGHTER )
NOW– TOTALLY BELIEVABLE. SCOTT TOLD A REPORTER THAT
SENATORS CAN ONLY DRINK WATER OR MILK DURING THE IMPEACHMENT
TRIAL. NOW, MILK MIGHT SEEM WEIRD, BUT
IT’S JUST SO THE SENATORS FROM WISCONSIN CAN BRING IN THEIR
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT COWS.( LAUGHTER )
NOW THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF MISSED THE IMPEACHMENT KICKOFF BECAUSE
HE’S AT THE WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM IN DAWFOUS. BECAUSE NOTHING SCREAMS
“INNOCENCE” LIKE BEING PUT ON TRIAL AND IMMEDIATELY FLEEING TO
SWITZERLAND. WE DID HEAR FROM THE MAN WITHOUT
WHOM THIS IMPEACHMENT WOULDN’T BE POSSIBLE. TRUMP PERSONAL LAWYER AND
PENGUIN FATHER ABANDONING HIS CHICKS TO THE SEALS, RUDY
GIULIANI. LAST NIGHT, HE WENT ON TV TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW HE DOESN’T GET A FAIR SHAKE FROM TV.>>THEY DON’T INVESTIGATE
DEMOCRATS. THEY ARE AFRAID. I AM GOING TO DEVOTE A LOT OF
TIME THIS YEAR EXPOSING THE DOUBLE STANDARD ON MY OWN
PODCAST.>>Stephen: YES, STAY TUNED FOR
THE PREMIERE OF HIS PODCAST: “THIS AMERICAN LOW-LIFE.”( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
I’LL LISTEN. I’LL LISTEN! ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING
THINGS ABOUT THIS ENTIRE STORY, GIULIANI HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF
STALKING U.S. AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE, MARIE YOVANOVITCH,
BUT HE DENIED IT.>>YOU DIRECTED THE SURVEILLANCE
OF A SITTING U.S. AMBASSADOR, MARIA YOVANOVICH, IN THE
UKRAINE.>>NO, I DID NOT. I CAN DEFINITELY TELL YOU I
DIDN’T. IN FACT, SHE DIRECTED
SURVEILLANCE OF ME! WHICH NOBODY IS INVESTIGATING.>>Stephen: (AS GIULIANI)
“MARIE YOVANOVITCH SPIED ON ME! ALSO, SHE’S THE ONE WHO KEEPS
LOCKING HERSELF OUT OF HER APARTMENT, CLIMBING IN THROUGH
THE WINDOW, AND SLEEPING IN A PILE OF DIRTY SUITS. SHE’S THE ONE WHO GOES INTO THE
STEAM ROOM, SHE’S THE ONE–( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SHE’S THE ONE– YOVANOVITCH IS THE ONE WHO GOES INTO THE SAUNA
AND ACCIDENTALLY SITS DOWN ON HER OWN TESTICLES AND HAS TO
GATHER THEM UP IN A SATCHEL JUST TO PUT HER PANTS ON!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. PATRICK STEWART IS HERE. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, “MEANWHILE!”
WONT YOU JOIN US.

100 thoughts on “Trump Flees To Switzerland While His Impeachment Trial Kicks Off In The Senate

  1. Trumps own words, Drain the Swamp. Well, now its truly being drained. Get Rid of the Crooks. When we all know who the biggest crook of all is.

  2. Voting democrat is the same as voting for Satan himself. There is absolutely no difference. Both deceive and lie to bring down the righteous to rule the world.

  3. Only the masses can make this right the PEOPLE MUST RISE as a typhoon the tectonic plates have shifted in America and Mount St.Helen must explode with A Hurricane of Justice Bigger than any in our history. If this beast TRUMP walks away from this while everyone knows crimes have been committed and the promise of worst crimes to come. We need a HERO MALE OR FEMALE.

  4. Huh. I didn't give any weight to trump being in Switzerland, but now that the trial is taking off…it makes perfect sense.

    Somehow, I feel like Switzerland wouldn't have a problem extraditing trump, though.

  5. A 51% share of American that say Trump should be removed is really low, if you compare with the fact that candidate to office quit running if they are discovered 'just' cheating their spouses.

  6. America is taking a very DARK TURN in its fledgling life…..It's a very perilous journey for people who want to lead a comfortable and normal and safe life. Im looking at

    a premature Dystopian future ….A kind of MAD MAX type of Eventuality . GOD HELP US !

  7. As much as I agree that Trump did a lot of disgraceful things, I believe Americans have the right to know if unethical activity is going on. This is one of the times where I would say that Trump is right about being outraged. I don't understand how telling the truth is considered illegal.

  8. Courts can introduce more/New Evidence any time if the Judge believes it relevant to the case. Syphilis is playing to the public but definitely not the rule of Law. Another Liar. Where ever he is from kick him out Vote against scumbags like Syphilis (if oc course he is an elected Rep)
    The Republicans will stoop to any low to skirt the Law, make no mistake they will NOT obey the Rules or the Law.
    This is why I keep asking Americans to Protest all these scumbag actions the Repigs are taking.
    They will continue to do them and they will get worse and break the law even more unless people start reminding them who has the power. YOU.

  9. trump went to Switzerland for two days and he spent 4 million dollar on a 2 day trip Ivanka spent 34 thousand on renting 2 cars thay have no regard for money its not there money its ours

  10. I have a lot of replies to respond to after this trials over and Trumps not impeached. I have even more comments to reply to when Trumps re-elected!Leave me a comment so i can rub it all in when its over!MAGA

  11. WRONG Stephen. @ 2:29 We'd have BERNIE as president. Hillary stole his primary and we dont talk about it because we've all been distracted with Don and his giant impeach.

  12. They only thing ridiculous is the GOP and the gaslighting it is doing and the ridiculous rules and speeches.. fancy saying you can't proceed because you don't have enough evidence the judge would kick you out…these guys are treating people like they are idiots…which some are and that's who they like..

  13. Nothing says I'm innocent like hiring Jeffrey Epstin and OJ's lawyer nicely done mr president and mosskow mitch lol

  14. Americans, Once Trump get acquitted of ABUSE OF POWER. and he definitely will be. Even though the evidences proofs otherwise overwhelmingly.
    That will mean your Entire Government have failed you. Senate is the highest authority less GOD, and you know HE is not going to do a ruling.
    Meaning JUSTICE have fail. ABUSE is NOT a crime. You are free to ABUSE anything you want.
    Please "Don't" go RIOTING all over the place.

  15. Can someone tell me who this IMPEACHMENT is about?…………………….. confused, like totally confused cuz' was thinking or was under the impression this Impeachment was about CHUMPY????……………………………………………………………

  16. democrats arm yourselves now before its too late, our war will be starting just as soon as moscow bitch mcconnell sweeps the trial under the carpet.

  17. Americans Really do hate America!🤣🤣 From an outside point of view its comical how bitchy use are to each other, pathetic and funny at the same time!

  18. And everyone keeps talking about Hillary Clinton as well………………… Just trying to figure out who's being Impeached is it Obama or Hillary or is it CHUMPY?????????????????

  19. Im looking foward to November when Trump is re elected to be OUR PRESIDENT for 4 more years. America will expect democrats to do tbeir jobs or just go home. They have been a waste of time for the last 3 years, and still have nothing.

  20. Why do we, as Americans, allow this nonsense to carry on in our government? Isn't it time we put the government in it's place and remove these corrupt, old balls of filth and start new?

  21. if guilty and truth actually without a doubt comes out n it is actually CHUMPY that is being Impeached and is actually guilty?????????????………………. Will he come forth and apologize and do the right thing ??????? LIKE NIXON UND CLINTON???????? WHAT WILL YOU DO SIR???????????????????………………

  22. Anybody remember Lindsey Graham arguing Clinton deserved impeachment just on dishonesty and moral grounds, since character and honesty were essential in a president. Remember when he said Trump should never be elected for his complete lack of principles and character? And now….

  23. If I were to show up in any court in the country and say that the defense had specifically prevented key witnesses from testifying despite them being summoned, the defense would get thrown out. How is it in any way surprising that people want more evidence?

  24. Democrats rushed through impeachment because they had sufficient evidence to convinct Trump, and now all the sudden they don't have enough evidence and need more witnesses. Hahahaha they're not even smart enough to understand how contradictory this is. Also funny that Trump is such a threat to national security that Pelosi was able to wait over a month to send the articles to the Senate. Great deal of urgency Nanzi Pelosi!

  25. And…Scrotum of the Opera! And…last thing you see before the chloroform kicks in. I'm dying! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

  26. McConnell is a lowlife.  I don't live in KY, but yesterday afternoon I gave a contribution to his challenger in the KY 2020 senate.  Amy McGrath, is a former Marine fighter pilot, a mom, a solid American.  We are the greatest country in the world.  We deserve better than this hideously corrupt mafia gang that is taking over our government !!!!

  27. "Flees to Switzerland"?…..really?!? Regardless of what shit-show is being presented by the House of Representatives in the Senate, the President has a job to do and he continues to do it. It is the Democrat-led House of Representatives that is wasting the time and treasure of the American people with this travesty. Nadler and Schiff are fucking jokes, and everybody knows it. Stephen Colbert is a tool of the propagandist media, and the Socialist/Marxist Hollywood crowd. Fuck him and the Socialist pony he rode in on, fuck everyone who looks like him, and fuck everyone who swings by his tiny little Hollywood pecker.

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