[theme song] Hey everybody! Christmas is coming, and nothing says “Christmas” like nachos. So today we’re gonna make Macho Nachos. [glass breaking sound effect] These are the toughest nachos on the block for strong men only. So ladies, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to turn off your computer. Please do that now. [rebooting sound effect] Great! Now that it’s just us tough guys,
let’s get into it. The first step to making macho nachos is
to moisturize. A good moisturizer adds a layer of protection to the epidermis, keeping your surface epithelium and periderm tissues soft, fresh, and smelling great. [glass breaking sound effect] The next step is to get a small pan that could go in the oven. Line it with foil if you wanna make clean-up easier or if you wanna transfer it to a plate. [glass breaking sound effect] Make sure you’re wearing comfortable pants, like yoga pants. They allow you to be flexible and quick and nimble on your feet. [glass breaking sound effect] Guess what? If you’re making Macho Nachos, that means you like sports, so let’s get our game-day colors on. I’m gonna throw a little turqoise for all the teams that play near the ocean, I’m gonna throw in some dark red for the Revlon Coyotes, then I’m gonna throw in some glitter for the Arizona Glitter-Backs. [glass breaking sound effect] Make sure you let that dry. Throw in just enough nachos to create a solid bottom layer Grab some cheese, get out your shredder, press. [odd electronic humming] Once you got that cheddar shredded, you’re gonna add a small layer of cheese to the nachos. Or a thick layer. Whatever you like. Take a tomato and punch it in the face.
[smash] Delicately sprinkle a few tomatoes on. Take a red onion. Turn it into black beans. [pan clanging] Put a few of those on there. Don’t be afraid to get precise with how you want things placed. Sprinkle a bit of chopped green onion, and then glob a few bits of the chunky part of the salsa Use a fan or contouring brush to spread it out until it’s perfect. And then repeat. [glass breaking sound effect] Nachos, cheddar, black beans and tomatoes, sprinkling of green onion, just a *little* bit of cheese on top Onion’s on 350°. We’re gonna take these and put ’em in. [rebooting sound effect] While the nachos are cooking, it’s a good time to write a poem. A haiku is an excellent way to express your feelings especially your feelings about nachos. [new age music plays in background] [glass breaking sound effect] The nachos have been in for about 10 minutes. Cheese is melted, the nachos are getting a little bit brown. Take some guacamole, find a place that’s got a nice cheese barrier, and put it right on top in a pile so you can dip. Do the same thing with some salsa Now tap your way over to the fridge,
and get your sour cream. [tap dances clumsily] [tap dances some more] Except in this case, I’m using Greek yogurt. Tastes great, but like, maybe half the calories or something. Put in a couple flowers for extra toughness, a single spritz of fancy perfume, and there you have it: Macho Nachos, the toughest nachos in the world. [glass breaking sound effect] ♪ [funky beat plays] ♪ ♪ [words spoken over funky beat] ♪