That salad’s totally grossing me out. I’ve completely lost my appetite. [gong] How long have you been a meat eater for? I only eat meat. I’m going to the Meatstock Flesh Festival. Are you goin’? Yeah, I want the tofu spring rolls, except I don’t eat tofu, so do you have like a tofu-flavored chicken you can substitute in for me? It’s not that vegetable eaters are bad people, it’s just that they’re… terrible people. This sausage is a meat-based vegetable substitute for cucumber. It’s got the taste and the texture of an actual cucumber, with none of the cucumber. Eating plants makes your body WAY too alkaline, which will definitely kill you. Do you really want that? All you need is some meat to be healthy and thrive. You get everything you need from meat. Beef is loaded with carbs! Orcas are even more spiritually evolved than humans, and THEY only eat seal meat, so that means humans should only eat meat, because it’s the most spiritually evolved diet, because of orcas. Plants give off oxygen. Why would you eat them? Do you even know how dangerous deer are when you’re driving your car? If you don’t kill and eat deer first, you basically want people to get into car accidents. The world’s a much safer place if we eat the animals that could eat us. Broccoli? That’s what my food eats. That’s my food’s food, and I don’t appreciate you eating that. You should eat Siberian tigers to help them go extinct. It makes it so that they can live on through you and your children for generations to come. The best chance for the survival of their species is for us to kill and eat them. That coconut was gonna grow into a palm tree. Why would you eat that? I could never eat plants that are raised in crowded farms in inhumane living conditions with less than one square inch of space per stalk, stuck in the soil against their will. Have you ever thought about going meat-eater to help save the planet, or do you just not care about the earth? Have you seen that Kalespiracy documentary? You’ve gotta see it. It’s so heartbreaking seeing how all the plants are killed and the deforestation from the plant farming and unsustainable farming practices. Kale farming is the number one destroyer of the environment. Once you see it, you’ll never eat plants again. As he redundantly repeated his emotionally charged nutritional opinions at me, I was instantly convinced to become a meat eater. JP was the most illogical, condescending person I’ve ever met. Saying something like that’s just a symptom of being overly alkaline. It just makes you mean and you can’t think straight. [gong] So that you can be a less terrible person, be sure to subscribe to my carnivorous channel. All those meat eaters in one place, it’s beatiful… [dog chomping meat noise] Hmm. [softly] Gimme my steak.